I feel pretty...

No. Really. Have you ever had a guy tell you and completely make you feel like you're just beautiful? I'm obviously talking to Ladies at this point. Is it not the best feeling, to know that a guy (who happens to be gorgeous) likes you? I think so. Not that it doesn't happen a lot, but every time it does happen I get butterflies that make me feel like a giddy child. However, I will not let anything come of it. Now, I have realized something about myself. Are you ready?
I make myself unattainable.
YES, I AM the BIGGEST flirt on the face of the planet; but then I shy away and move on to the next. I make it so that nobody can have me. Why is this? I am sure that I know. My heart has been broken by love, stomped on by those who promised never to stomp on it, ripped to shreds, glued back together, burned with hatred, beaten and bruised, and dragged through the mud. I gave it away once, to someone who meant the world to me. He was the only one who I'd let in. Promises were made and broken, yet I upheld everything that I swore on. He was the glue that was holding me together; at least that's what I thought. It's been almost four months since I was damaged; at first I thought that I simply would not survive through it, but it does, in fact, get better with time.  I don't talk about him, or mention his name; I still get sick to my stomach when I hear his name or see a picture, or think about what he did to me. I had never given anyone all of me, until he came along. He saw what nobody else was allowed to see in me. I let him in; and it came back and bit me in the butt.
I have a completely rational fear of abandonment; my biological father, my adoptive father, once, my mother, therefore, I put up walls. There is a saying that goes something like "People put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down".... That's a crock. I want people to stay out. I feel protected and safe when I put on a mask and pretend like I have no feelings.
(If anyone repeats any of this, I will deny it, because I don't have feelings.)
While writing this blog, I found out that my new interest happens to have the same birthday as the douche bag from earlier. Don't know how I feel about that.
It still angers me greatly, what he did to me. It still hurts, and although I try not to, I think about it every day. But, what's a girl to do when he's now 10,000 miles away and on a ship? I do all that I can.. I smile to myself and sincerely hope that he is happy. I smile because I know that Karma sucks, and I hope that he is happy so that Karma can take away that happiness one day.
Anyways, off of my rant... I don't hear very often that I'm beautiful, or gorgeous. It takes me by surprise every time, and I don't understand it completely, but I'm slowly getting used to it. You see, I have body image issues, similar to every young girl out there. I think that I'm too fat and too muscular to be attractive. Silly, I know. But I grew up with that thought in my head, and it stuck. So, when someone tells me that I'm attractive,  it blows my mind, because I never heard anything like that growing up, from anyone.
But... I like the way it makes me feel. So by all means, sweet thang, keep the compliments coming.

Signing off for now,
Simply Sam.