Every day I learn something new. Here's what I learned today:
I am the BIGGEST girl when it comes to insects or arachnids. I HATE them. I went outside for a moment earlier and came back inside without a care in the world. I sat down on the ground at Jerry's new apartment and ate a tortilla chip, while telling a funny story. My arm brushed my shirt and felt a lump on it, so instinctively, I grabbed at the lump to get it off of my shirt and throw it away, thinking it was a hairball or something of sorts. I picked the lump off, only to realize that it was a giant, slimy, black, beetle just hanging out. No pun intended. I screamed like an 8 year old girl and flung it across the room. I shrieked for about 4 minutes straight, flailing my arms and begging Grace to check me for bugs, in tears. I then wound up in the fetal position screaming and crying like a little girl. Jerry found it and killed it... Or so we thought. He then looked over at it and exclaimed, "It's ALIVE!".. Not something that I needed to hear. The screaming and shrieking then began all over again. Jerry picked up the container that he had placed the bug in and took it to the bathroom, disposing of the creature. Jerry laughed at me incessantly.
So... I am a tomboy, but in times like this, my girlie side comes out.
I'm scarred for life.
Signing off for now,
Simply Sam.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
I feel pretty...
No. Really. Have you ever had a guy tell you and completely make you feel like you're just beautiful? I'm obviously talking to Ladies at this point. Is it not the best feeling, to know that a guy (who happens to be gorgeous) likes you? I think so. Not that it doesn't happen a lot, but every time it does happen I get butterflies that make me feel like a giddy child. However, I will not let anything come of it. Now, I have realized something about myself. Are you ready?
I make myself unattainable.
YES, I AM the BIGGEST flirt on the face of the planet; but then I shy away and move on to the next. I make it so that nobody can have me. Why is this? I am sure that I know. My heart has been broken by love, stomped on by those who promised never to stomp on it, ripped to shreds, glued back together, burned with hatred, beaten and bruised, and dragged through the mud. I gave it away once, to someone who meant the world to me. He was the only one who I'd let in. Promises were made and broken, yet I upheld everything that I swore on. He was the glue that was holding me together; at least that's what I thought. It's been almost four months since I was damaged; at first I thought that I simply would not survive through it, but it does, in fact, get better with time. I don't talk about him, or mention his name; I still get sick to my stomach when I hear his name or see a picture, or think about what he did to me. I had never given anyone all of me, until he came along. He saw what nobody else was allowed to see in me. I let him in; and it came back and bit me in the butt.
I have a completely rational fear of abandonment; my biological father, my adoptive father, once, my mother, therefore, I put up walls. There is a saying that goes something like "People put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down".... That's a crock. I want people to stay out. I feel protected and safe when I put on a mask and pretend like I have no feelings.
(If anyone repeats any of this, I will deny it, because I don't have feelings.)
While writing this blog, I found out that my new interest happens to have the same birthday as the douche bag from earlier. Don't know how I feel about that.
It still angers me greatly, what he did to me. It still hurts, and although I try not to, I think about it every day. But, what's a girl to do when he's now 10,000 miles away and on a ship? I do all that I can.. I smile to myself and sincerely hope that he is happy. I smile because I know that Karma sucks, and I hope that he is happy so that Karma can take away that happiness one day.
Anyways, off of my rant... I don't hear very often that I'm beautiful, or gorgeous. It takes me by surprise every time, and I don't understand it completely, but I'm slowly getting used to it. You see, I have body image issues, similar to every young girl out there. I think that I'm too fat and too muscular to be attractive. Silly, I know. But I grew up with that thought in my head, and it stuck. So, when someone tells me that I'm attractive, it blows my mind, because I never heard anything like that growing up, from anyone.
But... I like the way it makes me feel. So by all means, sweet thang, keep the compliments coming.
Signing off for now,
Simply Sam.
I make myself unattainable.
YES, I AM the BIGGEST flirt on the face of the planet; but then I shy away and move on to the next. I make it so that nobody can have me. Why is this? I am sure that I know. My heart has been broken by love, stomped on by those who promised never to stomp on it, ripped to shreds, glued back together, burned with hatred, beaten and bruised, and dragged through the mud. I gave it away once, to someone who meant the world to me. He was the only one who I'd let in. Promises were made and broken, yet I upheld everything that I swore on. He was the glue that was holding me together; at least that's what I thought. It's been almost four months since I was damaged; at first I thought that I simply would not survive through it, but it does, in fact, get better with time. I don't talk about him, or mention his name; I still get sick to my stomach when I hear his name or see a picture, or think about what he did to me. I had never given anyone all of me, until he came along. He saw what nobody else was allowed to see in me. I let him in; and it came back and bit me in the butt.
I have a completely rational fear of abandonment; my biological father, my adoptive father, once, my mother, therefore, I put up walls. There is a saying that goes something like "People put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down".... That's a crock. I want people to stay out. I feel protected and safe when I put on a mask and pretend like I have no feelings.
(If anyone repeats any of this, I will deny it, because I don't have feelings.)
While writing this blog, I found out that my new interest happens to have the same birthday as the douche bag from earlier. Don't know how I feel about that.
It still angers me greatly, what he did to me. It still hurts, and although I try not to, I think about it every day. But, what's a girl to do when he's now 10,000 miles away and on a ship? I do all that I can.. I smile to myself and sincerely hope that he is happy. I smile because I know that Karma sucks, and I hope that he is happy so that Karma can take away that happiness one day.
Anyways, off of my rant... I don't hear very often that I'm beautiful, or gorgeous. It takes me by surprise every time, and I don't understand it completely, but I'm slowly getting used to it. You see, I have body image issues, similar to every young girl out there. I think that I'm too fat and too muscular to be attractive. Silly, I know. But I grew up with that thought in my head, and it stuck. So, when someone tells me that I'm attractive, it blows my mind, because I never heard anything like that growing up, from anyone.
But... I like the way it makes me feel. So by all means, sweet thang, keep the compliments coming.
Signing off for now,
Simply Sam.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
My name is Samantha, and this is the introduction.
Blogging is new to me. Obviously. So, here goes nothing.
I guess this is the part where I talk about things... Today, I thought about it, and I realized what true love is.
I am a student at Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina. I hate it. I am from Covington, Louisiana, where it is humid and warm... Not in Boone. It is April 28, 2011, and it is currently 52 degrees outside. Thank goodness that the semester is over and I only have two finals left until I get to go to Lake Wylie, where it is warm and I feel at home. I have had an interesting time here at ASU. I have met fake girls, jerk guys, and very few real people. However, is that not what happens all throughout life?
College is strange. After you graduate from high school, everyone pretty much goes their separate ways, and all that you have left are memories of the good times you had. It's like starting a new life, which can have both negative and positive consequences. People change, as do relationships. It's bittersweet, and I really do miss the old times. I have never really been one for change, so it has taken some getting used to.
It's a sad thing for me; I have two younger siblings. Grace is 13, and Nola will be 8 on May 8th. I feel absent from their lives, and it kills me. No longer am I home with them to fight and cry and hug and love. I must do that from a distance. No longer do we bicker and drive each other crazy; I never thought that I would miss arguing with my sisters.
I have always been the protector of my family. Especially Grace. Nola can pretty much handle herself. Grace is so fragile; she always has been. I feel like I have to protect her. When you say somebody means the world to you.... They are my life. I have a love for them that will never change or falter. Anyways, Grace is sweet. You meet people in life that are sweet, but she is innocent and pure, and I feel like if I don't protect her, the world will taint her. Being physically absent from their lives makes my heart ache. We have never been separated for this long. They say that separation gets easier with time; however, for me that is not the case. I have horrible separation anxiety from my family. A phone call is just not the same as a warm embrace.
The sweet part is coming home. Since Grace is now a teenager, the hormones are raging, and she is full of attitude and eye rolls. But I still get the smirk when she sees me. It's the look of "I have a badass reputation that I am trying to start, so I'm too grown for hugs and kisses". Nevertheless, I get them. I especially love Nola's reaction. I usually get home before she is home from school, so I wait for her to get off the bus. She walks in the front door - sometimes it is locked and I have to let her inside - and she jumps on me. I pick up all of her 60 pounds in my arms, and she squishes my face with her hands and says "SAM!!! I missed you so much!", before wrapping her arms around my neck and hanging onto me like a monkey. These embraces last anywhere from one to five minutes.
Although it is bittersweet, the reunion makes it all worthwhile.
This, my friends, is the epitome of true love.
Signing off for now,
Simply Sam.
I guess this is the part where I talk about things... Today, I thought about it, and I realized what true love is.
I am a student at Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina. I hate it. I am from Covington, Louisiana, where it is humid and warm... Not in Boone. It is April 28, 2011, and it is currently 52 degrees outside. Thank goodness that the semester is over and I only have two finals left until I get to go to Lake Wylie, where it is warm and I feel at home. I have had an interesting time here at ASU. I have met fake girls, jerk guys, and very few real people. However, is that not what happens all throughout life?
College is strange. After you graduate from high school, everyone pretty much goes their separate ways, and all that you have left are memories of the good times you had. It's like starting a new life, which can have both negative and positive consequences. People change, as do relationships. It's bittersweet, and I really do miss the old times. I have never really been one for change, so it has taken some getting used to.
It's a sad thing for me; I have two younger siblings. Grace is 13, and Nola will be 8 on May 8th. I feel absent from their lives, and it kills me. No longer am I home with them to fight and cry and hug and love. I must do that from a distance. No longer do we bicker and drive each other crazy; I never thought that I would miss arguing with my sisters.
I have always been the protector of my family. Especially Grace. Nola can pretty much handle herself. Grace is so fragile; she always has been. I feel like I have to protect her. When you say somebody means the world to you.... They are my life. I have a love for them that will never change or falter. Anyways, Grace is sweet. You meet people in life that are sweet, but she is innocent and pure, and I feel like if I don't protect her, the world will taint her. Being physically absent from their lives makes my heart ache. We have never been separated for this long. They say that separation gets easier with time; however, for me that is not the case. I have horrible separation anxiety from my family. A phone call is just not the same as a warm embrace.
The sweet part is coming home. Since Grace is now a teenager, the hormones are raging, and she is full of attitude and eye rolls. But I still get the smirk when she sees me. It's the look of "I have a badass reputation that I am trying to start, so I'm too grown for hugs and kisses". Nevertheless, I get them. I especially love Nola's reaction. I usually get home before she is home from school, so I wait for her to get off the bus. She walks in the front door - sometimes it is locked and I have to let her inside - and she jumps on me. I pick up all of her 60 pounds in my arms, and she squishes my face with her hands and says "SAM!!! I missed you so much!", before wrapping her arms around my neck and hanging onto me like a monkey. These embraces last anywhere from one to five minutes.
Although it is bittersweet, the reunion makes it all worthwhile.
This, my friends, is the epitome of true love.
Signing off for now,
Simply Sam.
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